Birthday Endings: Reflections on autumn, change, and staying true to the path

Sitting on the top of Mt. Sanitas this morning, I watch the round sun (my first birthday balloon of the day) morph from red to yellow to white above the horizon. Nature is turning.

Bright yellow aspens, tiny puffs of red somethings - non native maples maybe, grasses shaded in rainbow hues of a worn earth. Somehow bright and somber all at once.

They are celebrating harvest and grieving death as we are. Celebrating the shimmer of dying.

And today in the crisp, chill air of morning that is melting with the sun, I celebrate too.

I remember myself on this day last year. Pained by the knowledge that I must journey into another chasm to retrieve yet another piece of my wholeness, one that involves shining brightly in the world.

I was scared and excited that for all the many hundreds of fleeting adventures I've been on, I was now ready to choose a longer journey. A path that I would stay on even as the terrain became steep and slippery. 

I knew that this chapter of "staying" has been a long time coming, and I would learn more by holding steady in one direction than by running off to another foreign land.

It has been a slow road, first discovering more of myself, then Andrea, and then together, Lumysti.

Even in the infancy of creating this together, there have already been harrowing tolls.

(When you decide to build a business about healing the wounds between men and women, all your wounds about business, men, and women are surprisingly eager to come out and meet you.)

Yet even in the infancy of this, there has already been so much wildly perfect support.

(Winc, Family, Friends, jobs, tests...)

As I turn 26 today, I remember that on this day last year, I declared I would take this path and not run away. I had no idea what that meant.

But now, as I celebrate the death of old stories that I no longer need, I lay them down to earth like the falling autumn leaves. I celebrate the season I am in.

And as I look forward, down the path of next year, I realize that this whole time, the path and I have been leading and creating each other. What a dance.

Rachel ThorComment